From the outside, everything seems fine – work, family, personal growth. But inside, there's a constant background noise that can't be switched off. The feeling of not being able to relax, because as soon as you let go of control, something goes wrong.
This isn't paranoia or weakness. It's inner restlessness or anxiety. And most people who take on a lot are familiar with this.
Where do Inner Restlessness and Anxiety Come From?
Here it helps to differentiate according to their source.
- External fear is fueled by things we cannot control: geopolitics, the economy, climate, the flood of news. The brain processes information about such threats as if they were real dangers – and reacts accordingly.
- Inner anxiety works differently. It is often linked to things we actually have control over: health, work, relationships, our children's future. Here, anxiety signals something concrete – and that is already information we can work with.
- Anxiety stemming from hypercontrol is a special case. It arises when someone takes on too much. If excessive responsibility becomes a habit, anxiety can become a constant companion: You try to juggle so many things at once that the worry of missing out or messing something up never completely goes away.
Anxiety and the Need for Security
The cause of inner restlessness or anxiety is almost always one of the fundamental human needs: the need for security. It's advisable to ask yourself: What does security mean to me? The health of loved ones? Financial stability? Predictability in life? Control over certain situations?
An honest answer to this question helps to understand which areas of life or situations actually trigger restlessness or anxiety – and consequently, what is worth working on specifically.
Do We Need to Get Rid of Our Anxiety?
The short answer is: No. And here's why.
Anxiety is an evolutionary protective mechanism. It helps us perceive threats, prepare for them, and remain vigilant. For people with an anxious personality structure, anxiety is often a fundamental element – that which organizes their lives and propels them forward. To completely eliminate this anxiety would mean eliminating a part of themselves.
The task, therefore, is not to get rid of anxiety. Rather, it is about learning to deal with it consciously and, in a sense, becoming a good crisis manager for one's own life.
Anxiety – the Epidemic of the 21st Century?
It is said that anxiety is the disease of our time. That's only half true. There have always been anxious people. What has changed is the amount of incoming information and the speed at which it arrives.
According to the World Health Organization, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problem worldwide, affecting 359 million people. And the numbers continue to rise.
The constant stream of information acts like an amplifier. It amplifies what our brains already perceive as a threat. Add to that the overabundance of choices, uncertainty about the future, and pressure to perform – and a clear picture emerges. Our environment has become frightening for many. But that doesn't mean we are completely at its mercy.
One of the simplest and most effective steps is to limit the time spent consuming news. This isn't about avoiding reality, but about consciously choosing how much attention we give to which of its aspects.
The Strengths of Inner Restlessness and Anxiety
Anxiety, when channeled in the right direction, is a powerful resource.
A person prone to inner restlessness or anxiety can recognize risks where others overlook them, prepare for difficulties, and think through possible scenarios in advance.
Problems arise when you only consider negative scenarios without assessing their likelihood. A simple but crucial question helps here: What is the probability that what you fear will actually happen?
An Exercise: Choose a worrying situation and write down three scenarios for its development – one pessimistic, one optimistic, and one realistic. Then objectively assess which scenario is most likely.
We solve problems when they actually arise. Prematurely conjuring up the worst-case scenarios means paying an emotional price for something that may never happen.
You can read more about how our focus of attention works in the article Focus is Everything: How to Change a Relationship by Starting with Yourself.
How to Deal with Inner Restlessness and Anxiety
Some practical guidelines:
- Distinguish between situations you can actively influence and those you cannot. The former deserve your attention. The latter do not.
- Expand your behavioral repertoire. Anxiety often arises when someone sees only one scenario or believes they have no way out. The more perspectives you adopt regarding a situation and the more possible reactions you recognize, the less room there is for "fear paralysis" to develop.
- Take action. Inner restlessness and anxiety thrive on inaction. An effective way to break out of the cycle of anxiety is to ask yourself, "What concrete steps can I take right now?"
- Consciously limit the time you spend feeling anxious. Instead of letting anxious thoughts haunt you all day, agree with yourself: 20 minutes in the evening in which you will actually and soberly think about what is troubling you. For the rest of the day, you acknowledge inner restlessness or anxiety, but postpone dealing with it until the agreed time.
Conclusion
Anxiety is not your enemy. It is a part of you that wants everything to be alright.
Therefore, you shouldn't try to silence it, but rather learn to perceive it and decide when it is right and when it is exaggerating. This is precisely what it means to consciously deal with inner restlessness or anxiety: not fighting against it, but engaging in dialogue with it.
If anxiety is affecting your life – in your relationships or at work – it's a sign to take a closer look. An Introductory Session is a good starting point.