When was the last time you really hugged someone? Not as a brief greeting, but in such a way that both of them felt: everything is fine. I'm here. Many may think – and cannot remember. Not because there are no people close to you. But because at some point along the way we decided that touching wasn't necessary.
Human Beings are More than a Physical Body
In the book "The EPIC Approach," we describe 6 dimensions in which humans exist. One of these is the body. But only one. Furthermore, there are feelings, the mind, intuition, personal values, and communication with other people. Interestingly, physical contact affects several dimensions simultaneously. For example, a hug changes not only a person's physical state but also their emotional state.
Hugs are Not Just an Act of Affection, They are a Necessity
Virginia Satir, one of the founders of family therapy, put it simply:
"We need 4 hugs a day to survive. 8 hugs a day to keep us stable. 12 hugs a day to grow."
Every hug triggers a release of oxytocin – the hormone of bonding and trust. It lowers cortisol levels, normalizes blood pressure and increases feelings of security. Studies show: A 20-second hug has a therapeutic effect on the body and mind at the same time.
Touch as a Language
Physical contact is one of the most important languages of closeness. And it has different effects depending on the relationship.
In a partnership, touch goes beyond mere affection. Holding hands on a walk, a spontaneous hug, a loving gesture – all of these send a signal that no words can replace. Couples who maintain physical closeness in their daily lives generally cope better with conflicts.
In the parent-child relationship, touch is literally the language of development. Studies have long confirmed that children who are rarely held and hugged develop more slowly – physically, emotionally, and cognitively. In the process touch works both ways: parents who hug their children receive a dose of oxytocin themselves. In other words, care through touch nourishes both.
And this doesn't end with childhood. Teenagers also need hugs – the form just changes. And adult children need hugs too.
Massage – When the Body Speaks to the Head
Hugs are something we do for each other. Massage is something you can give yourself. And its effect on the psyche is deeper than it initially seems.
Studies show that a single massage session lowers the levels of the stress hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline and increases the levels of the happiness hormones dopamine and serotonin by up to 30%.
Regular massage reduces anxiety symptoms and depressive moods, improves sleep quality and changes a person's relationship with their own body. Many of us live in our body like a tool: it should function, not hurt and look good. Massage gives the body back its status as itself – not just as a means to an end.
Sauna – Cleansing that Goes Beyond the Body
Sauna is an ancient practice that existed in various cultures long before the word "stress". And that's no coincidence.
Heat activates the release of endorphins and dopamine – those molecules responsible for joy and well-being. Cortisol levels drop. The body relaxes so deeply that the mind – whether it wants to or not – also begins to let go.
But it's not just about chemistry. The sauna is a ritual. A ritual of stepping out of the usual rhythm, of slowing down, of being in the body. In this sense, it works on several levels simultaneously: physically it cleanses and relaxes, emotionally it releases tension, mentally it creates a break – that rare state in which one can simply be, without having to do anything.
It was no coincidence that in sauna culture – whether Russian banya, Finnish sauna or Turkish hamam – there was always room for conversation.
Conclusion
Physical contact is not a bonus in a relationship. It is one of its foundations.
Ask yourself: How many times today have you touched a loved one – not because it was necessary, but just because?
If the answer surprised you, that's a good starting point. For information on how to build and maintain closeness in a relationship, read the article When Love Has Faded: How to Recognize It – and What to Do Next.