For example, telling a colleague, spouse, or friend, “You’re always so pessimistic”, might seem like a casual remark to you. However, the recipient of such a remark may perceive it as a strong judgment of their overall personality. The key question here is: Is this person really ALWAYS pessimistic, in every situation?
“I’ve noticed that lately, you’ve been focusing on the negative aspects of our project/relationship. Could you explain your perspective in more detail?”
“Do you also see any positive aspects?”
“Now that we’ve finished the project, tell me everything I did wrong!”
“We’ve completed the project and gained some experience in working together. I would like to know what you think I did well in our collaboration? Also, what could I improve on? Finally, was there anything about my behavior that made our collaboration difficult for you?”
“Let’s skip the positives and jump straight to the negatives that need fixing."
"You’re always late to work! How much longer will this go on?”
“You did an excellent job completing the project and gave a strong presentation to the client, which helped secure the contract. During the project, I also noticed that you worked hard to find common ground when opinions diverged. At the same time, in meetings you seemed to hesitate to share your thoughts, even though you had them. I encourage you to express your ideas more often and confidently in future projects.”
“I noticed that you’ve been late to work a few times this past month – for example, to last week’s planning meeting and a team discussion. It gives me the impression that you might be less interested in work lately. I’d like to understand what’s going on and see if there’s anything I can do to help.”