Effective communication is one of the foundations for building and maintaining relationships, both privately and professionally. Despite this, misunderstandings and miscommunication occur time and time again, leading to frustration, disappointment and even conflict. This article looks at the different levels of communication and the basic techniques or skills that can help you improve your communication and take it to a higher level.
Misunderstandings frequently arise when we fail to consider the three levels of communication, which are the content level, relationship level, and emotional level:
1. Content Level
This refers to the topic of communication, e.g. discussion, its goal, and the various interests of the communication participants related to the topic and objective of the discussion.
2. Relationship Level
This level involves the dynamics between the communicators:
- Are they interacting as equals, on eye level?
- Is one speaking from a position of authority?
- Or is there a submissive stance?
3. Emotional Level
This pertains to the emotions experienced during a communication, e.g. discussion. These feelings may relate to the topic, the relationship between the communicators, or the perceived attitude of one interlocutor toward the other.
Example: Disagreement Between a Supervisor and an Employee
The supervisor may focus solely on the content level by assigning a specific task that needs to be completed to one of his employees. The employee, on his part, is focused on the emotional level because he does not feel supported. This leads the employee to perceive the supervisor’s communication style as condescending or dismissive.
The key to effective communication lies in being aware of and addressing all three levels: content, relationship, and emotional.
1. Content Level
On this level, it's important to clarify the following points:
- What is being discussed?
- Why is the topic relevant?
- What aspects of the topic need to be addressed?
- What is the goal of the communication / discussion?
- Why does this discussion involve these particular participants?
It is also essential for the person who initiates the conversation to clarify their expectations to both the outcome of the discussion as well as its participants.
2. Relationship Level
Here, the focus is on determining how your interlocutor relates to you! Does he view you:
- A partner: Such a relationship is very likely to create a greater willingness to actively participate in the conversation/discussion, even if the subject matter is difficult.
- An opponent: If you are seen as an adversary, you should decide whether to engage in this "contest" or let differing opinions coexist without trying to persuade the other.
- A tool: If you’re treated as a mere instrument for accomplishing tasks, you might be inclined to reject this role and aim to end the conversation quickly, potentially offering superficial agreement without intending to act on it.
3. Emotional Level
Emotions, yours and your counterpart's, play a significant role in the flow and outcome of any conversation.
- Positive Emotions: If both parties are in good spirits, it’s easier to create and maintain a good atmosphere as well as address all aspects of the discussion.
- Negative Emotions: If, for whatever reason, one party feels negative emotions, the conversation can stall or lead to misunderstandings that may also trigger negative emotions in the other party.
A conversation where both participants experience negative emotions is more likely to devolve into a dispute or conflict, making it difficult to maintain a good relationship and achieve a positive outcome.
Basic Skills in Constructive Communication
Achieving constructive and effective communication requires to apply some basic skills:
- Active Listening: This allows you to understand the other person’s perspective without immediately interpreting their statements through your own lens, which can easily lead to misunderstandings.
- Clear and Concise Speech: Clearly state your opinion on the topic of discussion, why you hold this opinion and for what purpose. This facilitates mutual understanding and therefore better communication.
- Regulation of Own Emotions: Your ability to manage your own emotions provides a solid foundation for keeping conversations constructive, even under pressure.
- Addressing Others’ Emotional State: Observing and recognising changes in your interlocutor’s emotional state and being able to influence it positively can significantly improve any discussion, especially when different opinions collide and the atmosphere worsens. For example:
"Felix, I noticed a frown on your forehead and a change in your expression when I mentioned the salary discussion. It seems like this topic makes you uncomfortable. Is that the case?"
Such a statement gives your interlocutor the opportunity to share their thoughts:
Felix might confirm: “Yes, it does.” You can then explore the reasons behind his discomfort.
Alternatively, he might deny it: “No, everything’s fine.” In this case, you can either continue the discussion or suggest a short break if time permits.
Communication Beyond Words
Remember, communication is not limited to spoken words. It also includes:
- How words are spoken: speed, tone, pitch, and rhythm.
- Non-verbal cues: facial expressions, gestures, and posture.
If you take all these aspects into account and apply the basic skills in constructive communication mentioned above, you can significantly improve your communication style and achieve more effective and satisfying interactions.