How to Deal with Hatred
Hate is a powerful emotion that can lead to negative thoughts and behaviors and has the potential to cause harm to both yourself and others. Understanding what hate is and how it manifests itself can help you deal with it better. In this article, we look at different types of hate as well as ways to manage it.
What Is Hatred?
Hatred is an intense feeling of deep dislike or hostility towards someone or something. It can arise for a variety of reasons, including past negative experiences, unacceptable cultural influences and violated personal values. Hate can manifest itself in different ways – from mild annoyance to extreme hostility with a willingness to destroy. It is a complex emotion that is often difficult to manage.
Open and Inner Hatred: What’s the Difference?
- Inner hatred means harboring very negative feelings without expressing them. This is detrimental to a person's inner state, as these excessive negative feelings can lead to depression, which ultimately has a physical impact, ranging from muscle tension to serious illness.
- Open hatred means that a person openly expresses their deep dislike or hostility. This can be done verbally (insults, threats), through body language (facial expressions, gestures) or through certain actions (e.g. writing a post on social media, hitting someone, filing a lawsuit).
Six Levels of Hatred
- Nasty Jokes and Mockery: Playful teasing or pranks that are supposedly harmless (‘Can't you take a joke?’), but can still cause discomfort or injury and may be aimed at precisely that.
- Sarcasm: A form of verbal turn of phrase intended to express criticism or contempt. This is often done by using “jokes” that mean the opposite of what is ostensibly meant by the joke. A kind of cutting tone is added to the voice, which comes across as spiteful. Sarcasm may seem funny, but it can be hurtful if the other person does not understand it.
- Raised Voice and Coarseness: Loud and coarse or crude language to show deep negative feelings toward another person and to cause them to feel intimidated or humiliated.
- Verbal Abuse: Openly insulting and humiliating words are used to instill fear or inflict pain in order to manipulate or control someone.
- Physical Aggression: pushing, hitting or throwing objects. This form of expressing hatred can easily cause physical harm and therefore have legal consequences.
- Curses and Hexes: Wishing misfortune or harm for a person or their family members or friends. This can go as far as black magic practices and rituals. ‘Professional’ imprecations and curses work until they are overridden – possibly for years, decades or even longer.
Of course, these levels of hatred can only be separated from each other to a limited extent, and they often overlap. For example, someone can move smoothly from sarcasm to insults or even become louder while uttering their insults.
It is important and often necessary to recognize and stop such behavior before it escalates further and becomes more dangerous than it already is! Behaviors that are driven by emotions or occur as impulsive destructive reactions cannot simply be changed quickly. To do this, a person must make a conscious effort over a longer period of time. You can find out how this works in practice in the article: What is Behavior? Practical Guide to Change.
How Hatred Escalates from One Level to the Next
In threatening or outrageous situations in the here and now, hatred usually begins on an emotional level (dismay, fear, bewilderment, anger). It then moves to the physical level (palpitations, trembling hands, cold sweat) and then affects the mental level, which in turn only functions to a limited extent due to the strong emotional and physical reactions. Subsequently, the mixture of feelings, physical reactions and thoughts can trigger various words or actions.
The dynamic is somewhat different when a person thinks about a past situation that has had a strong impact on them and continues to bother them. In this case, hatred begins on a mental level (memories), then it reaches the emotional level - once again the person experiences the feelings that this situation triggered in them at the time, even though it happened a long time ago. Finally, the hatred reaches the physical level, possibly just as strongly as in the original situation. However, it is less likely, but still possible, that all the thoughts, feelings and physical reactions will lead to similar words or actions as in the previous situation.
How to Cope with Hatred
Here are some tips on how to deal with hate in different situations or contexts:
Hatred of Specific People
- Start accepting people as they are – that alone is a significant step! As a matter of principle, stop expecting other people to change their behavior! Why should they do that? Just because YOU think it's necessary or because it would be more convenient for YOU? (Are you God?)
- Instead of placing expectations on others, try to understand why they behave the way they do, yes, show interest!
- If you are uncomfortable with the behavior of others, let them know in a tactful way. If nothing changes and you find it difficult to change your own attitude towards said people and their behavior, reduce your contact with them or end it altogether.
In the broader context of how you can build and change relationships with others as a conscious person, I recommend the article: How to Engage Constructively in Dialogue and Build Relationships Easily.
Hatred of Work
- Find out the causes of your dislike of your work: Overwork, tiring commute, inflexible working hours, no development opportunities, tensions in the team, conflicts with your supervisor or similar.
- Look for ways to improve the situation: talk to your boss or the HR department about your situation, concerns and thoughts.
- If the problem cannot be solved, try to accept the situation as it is – without compromising your emotional, physical or mental health.
- If this doesn't help either, think about changing jobs.
Hatred of Other Nationalities or Ethnic Groups
In this context, hatred often arises from prejudice and/or ignorance. To overcome this kind of hatred, it is first useful to remember an old truism: ‘Other countries, other customs!’ Familiarizing yourself with the beliefs and behaviors of people from other cultures helps you to understand their way of life, traditions and customs in the first place. This does not mean that you have to agree with everything you learn! However, nothing comes from nothing...many people take the path of least effort and do nothing of the sort!
At the same time, I emphasize that hatred can arise from negative or even illegal actions by people of other nationalities or ethnic groups, especially if they are visitors or newcomers to a foreign country. In cases of inappropriate behavior on their part, it is important to educate them about it. In the event of criminal offenses, the perpetrators must be consistently held accountable in accordance with the laws of the host country.
People of other nationalities are often unaware that what is ‘normal’ for them and their culture is considered inappropriate, impolite or even offensive in a country with a different culture. At best, people of other nationalities are grateful for appropriate advice and explanations from the locals, as it helps them to find their way around the new culture and adapt to the extent necessary.
The Importance of Forgiveness and Compassion
With all that being said, one aspect is all too easily dismissed, even though it is of immense importance: practicing forgiveness and even compassion towards the people who cause us to hate. Yes, yes, you read that right! Ultimately, it is not hate that saves the world, but love, in all its forms, and likewise, it is constructive communication, which is an expression of love in a broader sense, that saves the world. That's why I recommend the article: How to Learn to Love: The 5 Levels of Love.